Four months after my husband Dave's death on July 5, 2005 I began this xanga blog. It was a really healthy thing for me. Before that I was journaling hours on my computer, and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. I continued to journal, but blogging helped me express things in a more succinct way, and helped me hear what I was saying and what God was saying. Also, commenting on and reading others' blogs got me outside of myself a little.

I've changed a lot since I began xanga-ing. Back then I was in the depths of fresh grief. Everything was about people getting saved so they could be in heaven forever. I was so focused on that because I wanted to be there myself, so I could be with Dave (oh yeah - and Jesus would be there too). Even the name of this site -- eyes to eternity -- moreso spoke of my desire to be off the earth and in heaven than to keep an eternal perspective. (Hmmm, even my understanding of "keeping an eternal perspective" has changed. I used to think everything was about us getting to heaven. Now I feel it's about keeping our eyes on the One who is eternal. It's not about us. It is about Him.)

Anyways, this site has served me well and hopefully has served Jesus. But it's time to move on to a blog that better reflects what God is saying to me now. Here and now. That's what He's saying... That life is to be lived now. If my eyes are on eternity, and if I'm too focused on people getting to heaven, I'll miss what Papa wants now. He wants us to be changed from glory to glory, into the likeness of His Son, to bring Him honor now, for it to be on earth, as it is in heaven - for His glory and fame.

I'm not saying that I don't want people to go to heaven. But I am saying that it's not my primary motivation. God's glory is first, not people being eternally happy. Jesus went to the cross to glorify His Father, and Jesus deserves the reward of His suffering - which is the love, honor, obedience, and following of every human being now and into eternity.

Through His sonship and sacrifice, Jesus became the way, the truth, and the life. If we know Jesus now, we will have true life now. That life will change us over and over again as we choose to die to ourselves and live for Him. And through us living life now Jesus will receive His reward and our Father will receive glory.

So to honor the changes that God has been and is making in me, I have a new blog: http://livinglifehereandnow.blogspot.com/. It seems like it'll be more images and fewer words coz that's how Papa has been speaking to me lately. And expression through images is also part of the change that He's doing in me. I like it.

May you be blessed with continual change, transition, and transformation in your life. In that conflict you will find your God.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. 1 John 4:16

It's pouring outside and has been through the whole night. It's not surprising that my basement floor is, as I write, being covered with icy cold water that is swiftly deepening even though two sump pumps are running. I'm praying for those people who live right along the Swattie and could have to evacuate their homes if the rain continues.

On a funny note (yes, there's always something to smile about), 45 minutes ago I stood on a patch of dry basement floor concrete and watched the water meander its way across the floor and come closer to my feet. I suddenly thought, "No! You can't come any farther!" And the water stopped coming toward me, made a straight line, and moved to the left of me. I stood there for over a minute to see if the water would move closer to me. It didn't.

Now, it would be easy to rationalize what happened. I understand that concrete has subtle rises and dips in it, and the water could have been following a valley that I was unable to see. But I prefer to believe that for a few minutes Jesus showed me that His power through me is able to stop water in its tracks if I simply ask. (Maybe I should have stood in that spot all day so at least one place in my basement would be dry. )

I heard a song on Thursday that wrecked my heart in the best kind of way. It's for Lebanon (well, and every other city in the world, but I heard it for Lebanon's sake ). Its truth reminds me of the One that I cling to and the reason I can hold onto hope, even as I approach Sunday and what would have been Dave's and my 14th wedding anniversary.

I don't live for myself. I live for the God of this city and the One who has my heart.

God of This City (Chris Tomlin)

You're the God of this city

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are

You're the light in this darkness

You're the hope to the hopeless

You're the peace to the restless

You are

There is no one like our God

There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done here.